Slayer Hater

Monday, May 16, 2011

Officials are looking into issuing permits for Slaying

With the 2011 Slaying season nearly in full effect, officials in western North Carolina and eastern Tennessee are considering implementing a permit system.

Local residents of the area are more than familiar with the Slayers' disregard for safety and inability to "blend in." Slayers cite their "tourism dollars" as justification for their misbehavior. Officials think they may have a solution: the Asshole Permit.

Slayers that are "better than you" will be able to purchase an Asshole Permit from local merchants. The format of the permit is as yet unclear, but officials are leaning toward a t-shirt-and-sticker type permit. The permit won't condone being an asshole. It will merely serve as a warning to the motoring public.

Slayers donning their Asshole Permit are expected(but not required) to: swerve into oncoming traffic, drop their motorcycles at any moment, bitch about "crawtch rawkets," litter, ask about the "record time on Slayin' the Dragon," hold up even grandma on her way to church, gripe about the price of the Asshole Permit, rev their silly little-dick engine to "feel the power,"etc, etc, etc. The list of Slayers' asshole behavior is too exhaustive to list here.

Slayers we asked about the permitting responded favorably. One Slayer even said, "We just wanna be free to do as we please and shit all over the places we go. We spend our borrowed money there, we should be able to act like morons if we want to. I mean, hell. We DID pay way too much for a piece of crap Harley-Davidson. What makes you people think we're smart? I think you all expect way too much of us."

We think that pretty much sums it up.

1 comment:

thetable said...

I thought the permit was already available for purchase, in the form of a three piece pin.