Impotence drug manufacturers seek reason for sharp decline in sales

According to a newly published study, men with chronic impotence are opting to purchase Harley Davidson motorcycles instead of treating their condition with drugs such as Viagra® or Cialis®.

The National Pharmaceutical Council conducted and published the study. At a news conference announcing the results of the study, NPC spokeswoman Sarah Witten commented, "We are mystified by this data set. Apparently the purchase of a Harley does nothing to improve the sexual function of study subjects. Their non-functioning, shriveled members are unresponsive to the throb and deafening roar of their underpowered v-twin. Either the data is lying or we totally don't get it".

Several Harley Davidson owners reached by Slayer Hater were able to shed some light on the subject. "When I sit in front of the bar revving that baby up, I feel like a man again. Okay, I still can't get it up but I'm sure everyone thinks I can," says Oscar Neuwirth of Akron, Ohio. "And the best part is I still don't have to sleep with my 'ol lady. She's kind of fat."

Colinda Neuwirth, wife of the retired dentist, agrees. "When he gets in those leather chaps and that studded vest and straddles that hog, it's almost like he's a man again. The best part, of course, is that I don't have to sleep with him. He's really fat".

Chuck Odel, a divorced landscaper from Pensacola, FL was equally forthcoming. "I took my Wide Glide up to that Tail of the Dragon road they have in Tennessee. When I pulled in the parking lot at the store everyone hangs out in front of, everybody was looking at me. I was really turned on but nothing was stirring. You know, down there. I think I may need louder pipes."

Mr. Odel's ex-wife Nola said only that, "The last time that s.o.b got it up was watching the volleyball scene in Top Gun."