Slayer Hater

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Dragon Slayers uncover the basis of their religion; scholars mock mercilessly

Thou shalt not put function before form. Chrome shall be polished and very heavy.

Thou shalt not alloweth faster traffic to pass.

Thou shalt not maintain a reasonable speed when being followed by more capable riders.

Thou shalt not slay the Dragon with speed nor skill.

Thou shalt slayeth the Dragon with frustration and over-heating sportbike engines.

Thou shalt not maintain a predictable line.

Thou shalt wobble!

Thou shalt not maintain thy own lane, for it is an abomination.

Thou shalt not leave the Dragon without thy t-shirt and sticker.

Thou shalt not tap thy helmet to warn of law enforcement presence.

Thou shalt not have a working transmission for more than 5,000 miles, it is displeasing to "Dragon Slayers."

Thou shalt maketh more noise than a tribe of 16 year old maidens at a sleepover.

Thou shalt not keepeth thy pipes baffled.

Thou shalt drop your bike in the parking lot. Woe unto thee that do not droppeth their bike.

Thou shalt not bathe before slaying the Dragon. Dragon Slayers are to be unclean.

Thou shalt not leave the t-shirt shop unless thou weareth thy newly purchased Dragon Slayer t-shirt. There art photographers!

Thou shalt remember the Saturday and keep it crowded.

Thou shalt not take the name of the bike thy idol in vain. Harley-Davidson is a jealous marketing department and becometh angry when its stock tradeth low.

Thou shalt honor thy wife and dress her like a hootchie mama, no matter her age.

Thou shalt not use cash. Your dealer hath provided you with a Harley-Davidson credit card. Thou shalt useth it!

Thou shalt cover thy professional haircut with a do-rag that is pleasing to Slayers. It is to remideth a Slayer there is a photographer at every turn and thou must looketh badass.

Thou shalt remove thy do-rag when thou returneth to thy white-collar job on Monday.

Thou shalt speak loud of how hard thou slayeth the Dragon in conversation, but knoweth in thy heart thou slayeth not shite.


badfaerie said...

Not enough ! exclamation! marks!!!!

Actually, the transmission commandment hits me in a sensitive spot.... :(

Dragonater said...

Thou shalt always pay $5,000 over sticker price at your local Soprano-connected Harley dealership.

Thou shalt not buy thy Harley on the gray market from India. Karma is a bitch!