Tennessee to instate "Real Feel" Slaying index; beta testing underway

In light of recent "slaying" congestion at Deals Gap, TDOT has been developing a "Real Feel" index for the 318 bikes behind....er...uh....318 curves on the 11 miles of the "Dragon." The new indexing system will help competent motorists decide if they want to risk dehydration and hyperthermia riding Deals Gap behind droves of "Dragon Slayers."

"This new index is a lot like the 'heat index' meteorologists have been using for years," says TDOT engineer Larry Sellers. "Several factors go into the 'Real Feel' index. We need to know the impact that the 'Slayers' are having on the road and communicate it to the rest of the public."

Mr. Sellers says the index is based on: day of week and whether it is a weekend or holiday; time of day; outside air temperature; weather forecast; likelihood of poker runs, rallies, exposed breasts or card games; tee-shirts sales; beer sales; Beginners MSF course graduates for the current year; sales of 900+ lb motorcycles to women weighing less than 125 lbs for fiscal year; lodging/camping vacancies; number of photographers on duty; among others.

All of these factors plus real-time "slayer" monitoring will be plugged into the complicated formula and the result will then be transmitted by microwave to signs on either end of the "Dragon." TDOT hopes to expose the "slaying" issue with an information campaign.

We feel it's a start.

Photo caption: On an unusually light day, the "Slayer Real Feel Index" is exceptionally low. Officials warn public to not expect the index to remain this low.