Slayer Hater: David L. Strickland

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Study launched: Why DO cruiser owners come to the Dragon anyway?

The NHTSA has commissioned a study to find out just what brings Dragon Slayers to The "Dragon." In recent years, there has been a marked increase in "Slayers" on low-clearance, heavy, under-powered, antiquated motorcycles appearing on the "Dragon." These machines come from the factory with an intense lack-of-speed wobble that owners cannot seem to fix. These wobbles have been known to be so intense they cause the rider to cross the center line in all blind left hand turns and even fall down in the parking lot of the CROT without warning.

NHTSA Commissioner David L. Strickland is quoted as saying, "I don't get it. What's with these fags and their Harleys on the best road in the country? Why would you take a piece of shit Harley to Deals Gap in the first place?" Just about everyone in the country agrees with Commissioner Strickland...except for Harley owners, that is. The study will focus on the driving-a-deck-screw-with-a-hammer (wrong tool for the job) theory of cruisers on the Gap. The study comes on the heels of traffic jams and noise parades on Cat Tail Straights and wild wobbling taking place in killboy's Corner.

A sub-part of the study will also answer the question, "How come nothing happens when you turn the throttle on a Harley wide open -- well, except for more noise coming out of it?"

So who is Slayer Hater anyway?

Slayer Hater knows what a biker is and you ain't it.
Slayer Hater doesn't drag knees at your rally, why do you drag your bike at his?
Slayer Hater doesn't come to your state and tell you how to ride your road.
Slayer Hater doesn't dig your entitlement attitude when it comes to the best piece of riding on the planet.
Slayer Hater would like to be able to carry on a conversation when you take off out of the parking lot on your v-twin super-dildo. Oh and even a monkey can twist a throttle, shithead.
Slayer Hater doesn't understand your religion.
Slayer Hater knows you're going to drop your bike negotiating the parking lot at the CROT. He just knows it.
Slayer Hater has no clue why you bring a heavy, under-powered, low-performance machine to such a challenging road only to ride at 15 miles per hour and wobble your way to the sticker counter calling yourself a "Dragon Slayer." Slayer Hater knows you don't know why either.
Slayer Hater is the poor bastard in the mirror for 6+ miles of the 11. How about "slaying" that pull off, r-tard?
Slayer Hater is not a "me," it's a "we." No really, it's a "we."
Slayer Hater doesn't even see what sort of bike you're on so long as you are in control of that bike, considerate of others and in your own lane. Be slow! Be on a cruiser! Just be in control! Should Slayer Hater even have to say that? Sad that we do.