Slayer Hater: loud ≠ fast

Saturday, July 31, 2010

SUNDAY, SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!

"The Dragon" is proud to host SPL Dyno tuning and dB Drag Racing!!! That's right, if you think your pipes aren't loud enough, they probably aren't!! Head on over to the "Dragon" and get those things sorted out.

It's hard to be fast on a piece-of-crap Harley, so why not be super annoying instead?! Our dyno tech will be doing dyno runs all day long and will help you get every ounce of noise available from your particular 1910s-technology engine. Then you're ready to enter the db Drag Races!

The dB Drag Races will take place on Wheelie Hill in front of the CROT. Contestants will go WOT up the hill shifting at the rev limiter in each gear. They will likely not exceed 30-35 MPH so judges will easily be able to calculate the SPL coming from each bike by the number of people with annoyed grimaces on their faces while trying to hold a conversation. Judges will also judge based on the intensity of the grimaces. The bike with the most annoying SPL wins! There's a winner just about every time a POS cruiser leaves the parking lot adorned with a do-rag-sporting tool factory.

So come on out to the dB Drag Races held everyday at Deals Gap!

So who is Slayer Hater anyway?

Slayer Hater knows what a biker is and you ain't it.
Slayer Hater doesn't drag knees at your rally, why do you drag your bike at his?
Slayer Hater doesn't come to your state and tell you how to ride your road.
Slayer Hater doesn't dig your entitlement attitude when it comes to the best piece of riding on the planet.
Slayer Hater would like to be able to carry on a conversation when you take off out of the parking lot on your v-twin super-dildo. Oh and even a monkey can twist a throttle, shithead.
Slayer Hater doesn't understand your religion.
Slayer Hater knows you're going to drop your bike negotiating the parking lot at the CROT. He just knows it.
Slayer Hater has no clue why you bring a heavy, under-powered, low-performance machine to such a challenging road only to ride at 15 miles per hour and wobble your way to the sticker counter calling yourself a "Dragon Slayer." Slayer Hater knows you don't know why either.
Slayer Hater is the poor bastard in the mirror for 6+ miles of the 11. How about "slaying" that pull off, r-tard?
Slayer Hater is not a "me," it's a "we." No really, it's a "we."
Slayer Hater doesn't even see what sort of bike you're on so long as you are in control of that bike, considerate of others and in your own lane. Be slow! Be on a cruiser! Just be in control! Should Slayer Hater even have to say that? Sad that we do.