Results of NHTSA study released, ambiguous in nature

Results from the NHTSA's study have been released.

As was reported recently, the NHTSA commissioned a study on just what brings middle-aged men and couples on antiquated-in-nature-and-design motorbikes to one of the most technically challenging roads in the world.

David L. Strickland took a personal interest in the subject after a trip to the area in which he was forced to follow a Milwaukee train of what he described as "wildly wobbling, lane-crossing, floorboard-scraping, brand-loyal lemmings" through the section of Deals Gap known as "The Dragon."

The study utilized a little-used technique known as "just ask them" or, to use the scientific term, a poll. Cruiser riders were asked the simple question, "Why are you here when you are terrified of a mythical creature that does not exist, you are unable to safely negotiate a four-way intersection much less a curvy mountain road, your bike has all of 3 degrees of lean angle, you are clearly not a bad ass biker because bad ass bikers can't afford a $500 riding 'outfit' consisting of HD-branded items head to toe, you're clearly borderline-retarded for paying so much for a bike you could have bought for $11 in 1920 and you can't even negotiate a parking lot without dumping your bike and your bitch or attempting to win the hillclimb contest on the bank across from the CROT?"

The poll found the overwhelming answer to be equally as simple: "I have to have a sticker and a t-shirt." To wit: they have no idea why they are there. It cannot be "fun" to drag every piece of chrome you have over the double-yellow lines at 15 mph while shitting your $200 HD endorsed jeans every time you meet an oncoming vehicle. Driving a deck screw with a hammer is possible, it's just not smart nor is it fun," Strickland said.

The study concluded that "Slayers" come to the "Dragon" simply because they have been told they have to, the same reason they pay $40 for an HD t-shirt at every Harley dealership they enter. That's the "tradition." That's the "heritage." That's the ritual. "No one since Jesus himself has done quite such a good job convincing idiots to turn over their hard-earned cash for no other reason than 'just because,'" Strickland lamented.

The NHTSA has decided to abandon any future safety improvements to US129 in lieu of purchasing screen printing equipment.