Authorities investigate dangerous biker gang in NC/TN

The SBI in North Carolina are very concerned about a dangerous new outlaw biker gang operating in the mountains of western North Carolina and eastern Tennessee. As part of a summer-long investigation, they infiltrated the gang known as The Sons of Attorneys with one of their agents. The agent barely escaped with his net worth intact as once his cover was blown, the highly agitated motorcycle club has threatened to have "[their] daddy sue you into oblivion!"

Investigators said Monday in a press conference, "Stay as far away from these clowns as possible. They are the product of the aging Baby Boomer generation and they will drag you up and down the sidewalk in court. You may not live to see your 401K."

Slayer Hater spoke to one of the Sons of Attorneys' victims we found living in his van down by the Tennessee River. He had this to say, "I was riding the Dargon, minding my own business and I came up on a 25-bike wobble train traveling at around 10 MPH. I didn't know what to do. My bike started over-heating and I was getting dizzy in my helmet. I knew at that moment that I had to get around these guys. I passed them 2 or 3 at a time until I got to the front of the pack waving 'thanks' after each pass. I made it to the end and parked my bike and suddenly I found myself surrounded by them! It was horrible! They had menacing law degrees from Harvard and one even said he was a dentist! All I could think about was wage garnishments and how I might not ever see my paycheck again! Hang on a second...I'm getting too emotional." This victim was unable to go on with his account of the incident as it was still too painful (and still in litigation).

The Sons of Attorneys are operating on and around the Dargon, a great piece of motorcycling road in the mountains of the Great Smokeys. They have chapters in every town in the US and are considered to be extremely dangerous. Authorities caution against making contact with them, but if you do, they advise you consider them armed and litigious and to contact your lawyer immediately.