According to a newly published study, men with chronic impotence are opting to purchase Harley Davidson motorcycles instead of treating their condition with drugs such as Viagra® or Cialis®.
The National Pharmaceutical Council conducted and published the study. At a news conference announcing the results of the study, NPC spokeswoman Sarah Witten commented, "We are mystified by this data set. Apparently the purchase of a Harley does nothing to improve the sexual function of study subjects. Their non-functioning, shriveled members are unresponsive to the throb and deafening roar of their underpowered v-twin. Either the data is lying or we totally don't get it".
Several Harley Davidson owners reached by Slayer Hater were able to shed some light on the subject. "When I sit in front of the bar revving that baby up, I feel like a man again. Okay, I still can't get it up but I'm sure everyone thinks I can," says Oscar Neuwirth of Akron, Ohio. "And the best part is I still don't have to sleep with my 'ol lady. She's kind of fat."
Colinda Neuwirth, wife of the retired dentist, agrees. "When he gets in those leather chaps and that studded vest and straddles that hog, it's almost like he's a man again. The best part, of course, is that I don't have to sleep with him. He's really fat".
Chuck Odel, a divorced landscaper from Pensacola, FL was equally forthcoming. "I took my Wide Glide up to that Tail of the Dragon road they have in Tennessee. When I pulled in the parking lot at the store everyone hangs out in front of, everybody was looking at me. I was really turned on but nothing was stirring. You know, down there. I think I may need louder pipes."
Mr. Odel's ex-wife Nola said only that, "The last time that s.o.b got it up was watching the volleyball scene in Top Gun."
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
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Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
A Slayer by any other name is still a Slayer
We reported last week that the circus was in town (it really never leaves until the leaves do). These daredevil (ass) clowns show us that you don't have to be on a Milwaukee Cow Pie to be a Slayer. "Skillz" like that don't go unrewarded at the Tail of the Dragon. One of the Sideshow Bob's got a free trip down the mountain.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Wing Ding-a-ling Bros Circus comes to town!
This weekend a whole clown car(bike) full of Slayers arrives with the Wing Ding-a-ling Brothers' Circus. Those in attendance will be thrilled with breathtaking acts of stupidity and superhuman feats of ignorance! A real spectacle awaits you at the Tail of the Dragon. You won't believe your eyes! Clowns, freaks, bearded women, strong(and not so) men, gimps, sword swallowers (more bearded women?), fire eaters and all sorts of other side-show freaks will be on display in the guise of motorcycle enthusiasts.
The Two-headed Halfwit On the Car-bike is but one act you will see on your side of the road during the Wing Ding-a-ling Bros circus this weekend! It really is the lamest show on earth!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Helmet laws, schmelmet laws
See anything wrong with this picture -- other than the fact that Harley-Davidson is still allowed to manufacture garbage heaps and call them motorcycles?
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Backwards helmet! Now available in all sizes! Now even YOU can be a supreme badass and look like a fool at the same time!
Maybe this is this guy's way of rebelling against helmet laws. We're guessing it's not.
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Backwards helmet! Now available in all sizes! Now even YOU can be a supreme badass and look like a fool at the same time!
Maybe this is this guy's way of rebelling against helmet laws. We're guessing it's not.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Can Am-a-ramma-lamma-ding-dongs invade the mountains; convertable salesmen starve
Can Am Spyder owners are a special breed and they are out in force in the mountains this weekend. One cannot look in any direction without seeing at least 7 middle-aged couples on the three-wheeled, geriatric interpretation of a "bike," many of the men of the house riding bitch.
As you all know, the Spyder holds the record time on the Tail of the Dragon. Just ask any Can Am Factory Authorized Sales Associate.
As you all know, the Spyder holds the record time on the Tail of the Dragon. Just ask any Can Am Factory Authorized Sales Associate.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Officials are looking into issuing permits for Slaying
With the 2011 Slaying season nearly in full effect, officials in western North Carolina and eastern Tennessee are considering implementing a permit system.
Local residents of the area are more than familiar with the Slayers' disregard for safety and inability to "blend in." Slayers cite their "tourism dollars" as justification for their misbehavior. Officials think they may have a solution: the Asshole Permit.
Slayers that are "better than you" will be able to purchase an Asshole Permit from local merchants. The format of the permit is as yet unclear, but officials are leaning toward a t-shirt-and-sticker type permit. The permit won't condone being an asshole. It will merely serve as a warning to the motoring public.
Slayers donning their Asshole Permit are expected(but not required) to: swerve into oncoming traffic, drop their motorcycles at any moment, bitch about "crawtch rawkets," litter, ask about the "record time on Slayin' the Dragon," hold up even grandma on her way to church, gripe about the price of the Asshole Permit, rev their silly little-dick engine to "feel the power,"etc, etc, etc. The list of Slayers' asshole behavior is too exhaustive to list here.
Slayers we asked about the permitting responded favorably. One Slayer even said, "We just wanna be free to do as we please and shit all over the places we go. We spend our borrowed money there, we should be able to act like morons if we want to. I mean, hell. We DID pay way too much for a piece of crap Harley-Davidson. What makes you people think we're smart? I think you all expect way too much of us."
We think that pretty much sums it up.
Local residents of the area are more than familiar with the Slayers' disregard for safety and inability to "blend in." Slayers cite their "tourism dollars" as justification for their misbehavior. Officials think they may have a solution: the Asshole Permit.
Slayers that are "better than you" will be able to purchase an Asshole Permit from local merchants. The format of the permit is as yet unclear, but officials are leaning toward a t-shirt-and-sticker type permit. The permit won't condone being an asshole. It will merely serve as a warning to the motoring public.
Slayers donning their Asshole Permit are expected(but not required) to: swerve into oncoming traffic, drop their motorcycles at any moment, bitch about "crawtch rawkets," litter, ask about the "record time on Slayin' the Dragon," hold up even grandma on her way to church, gripe about the price of the Asshole Permit, rev their silly little-dick engine to "feel the power,"etc, etc, etc. The list of Slayers' asshole behavior is too exhaustive to list here.
Slayers we asked about the permitting responded favorably. One Slayer even said, "We just wanna be free to do as we please and shit all over the places we go. We spend our borrowed money there, we should be able to act like morons if we want to. I mean, hell. We DID pay way too much for a piece of crap Harley-Davidson. What makes you people think we're smart? I think you all expect way too much of us."
We think that pretty much sums it up.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Severe storms blow in severe Slaying
Accu-weather.com reports this spring as one of the worst in years for severe weather. Almost weekly Deals Gap has been placed under tornado watches and severe t-storm warnings. Trees blown over into the road and flooding are the least of the problems for the area, however. The real problem is this:
Accu-weather's Rider Quality Index® has been falling steadily since 2002. Experts say it was at its worst last year and is expected to be even more disappointing this year. Accu-weather's Allan Einstein says there are many contributing factors to this phenomena; poorly designed motorcycles being marketed effectively as lifestyle, lack of talent coupled with lack of intelligence, large egos paired with small performance numbers and the most aggravating factor of all, gravity.
Accu-weather's Rider Quality Index® has been falling steadily since 2002. Experts say it was at its worst last year and is expected to be even more disappointing this year. Accu-weather's Allan Einstein says there are many contributing factors to this phenomena; poorly designed motorcycles being marketed effectively as lifestyle, lack of talent coupled with lack of intelligence, large egos paired with small performance numbers and the most aggravating factor of all, gravity.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Deals Gap: 318 skidmarks in 11 miles
With the coming of spring and the hatching of Slayers everywhere, we're seeing more and more Slayer Tracks. Once clean and unmarked pavement is now covered in locked rear wheel skids and tell-tale signs of 4-wheeled spin outs. Much like slugs, Slayers leave trails (heck, Slayers are a lot like slugs in many ways; unwanted, slimy, slow, etc).
Criss-cross Slayer tracks at Gravity Cavity:
We're sure this Slayer was "keeping it in his lane" up until this point. /scoff
Target-fixated Slayer track:
Pretty obvious where this Slayer was looking when he locked her down.
Lane-cross will make ya JUMP JUMP!
And the winner is....:
This bike had to be front wheel drive.
Criss-cross Slayer tracks at Gravity Cavity:
We're sure this Slayer was "keeping it in his lane" up until this point. /scoff
Target-fixated Slayer track:
Pretty obvious where this Slayer was looking when he locked her down.
Lane-cross will make ya JUMP JUMP!
And the winner is....:
This bike had to be front wheel drive.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Celebrity lets cat out of bag about speed cameras on "The Dragon"
April 1, 2011
In the calm before the coming enforcement storm, famed shutterbug Killboy broke the news about the multiple speed cameras along the 11 miles of the "Dragon" at Deals Gap. Authorities are gearing up for a busy season of revenuing and using remotely controlled speed cameras to do the Devil's work.
Visitors can plan on getting more than just t-shirts and stickers as souvenirs. Tennessee will mail them one for any infraction over 31 MPH in the now 30 MPH zone. Slayers on the other hand, have nothing to worry about as they are incapable of speeding and the cameras are not set up to ticket wild wobbling or simply-incompetent riding.
Slayer Hater would like to thank Killboy for the heads-up. ;)
In the calm before the coming enforcement storm, famed shutterbug Killboy broke the news about the multiple speed cameras along the 11 miles of the "Dragon" at Deals Gap. Authorities are gearing up for a busy season of revenuing and using remotely controlled speed cameras to do the Devil's work.
Visitors can plan on getting more than just t-shirts and stickers as souvenirs. Tennessee will mail them one for any infraction over 31 MPH in the now 30 MPH zone. Slayers on the other hand, have nothing to worry about as they are incapable of speeding and the cameras are not set up to ticket wild wobbling or simply-incompetent riding.
Slayer Hater would like to thank Killboy for the heads-up. ;)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
AMA names 15 top motorcycling roads in America
The AMA published what its members voted as the 15 top motorcycling roads in America last week. No one knows the best roads like an AMA member, right? AMA CEO Rob Dingman thinks so anyway.
"When it comes to the best places in the world to hold up traffic on antiquated motorcycles, our members are the most knowledgeable and most qualified people for the job. No one can weeble wobble at 10 MPH like our members," Dingman said.
"By publishing our favorite roads in American Motorcyclist Magazine, our members will seek out these roads and bring noise pollution and congestion to local communities who were just fine without them.
"In turn, AMA members will arrive at those destinations with an entitlement attitude and generally behave like assholes dressed as gay pirates. The AMA feels it is our duty to infest as many of the communities surrounding these roads as possible," Dingman said in his press release.
And infest they shall.
"When it comes to the best places in the world to hold up traffic on antiquated motorcycles, our members are the most knowledgeable and most qualified people for the job. No one can weeble wobble at 10 MPH like our members," Dingman said.
"By publishing our favorite roads in American Motorcyclist Magazine, our members will seek out these roads and bring noise pollution and congestion to local communities who were just fine without them.
"In turn, AMA members will arrive at those destinations with an entitlement attitude and generally behave like assholes dressed as gay pirates. The AMA feels it is our duty to infest as many of the communities surrounding these roads as possible," Dingman said in his press release.
And infest they shall.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Rockslides in North Carolina threaten to block Slayers' route to the famed "Dragon"
Slayer Hater learned Friday that the feared and reviled biker gang Sons of Attorneys have filed a lawsuit against the State of North Carolina and possibly against the Heavenly Father himself.
The suit alleges that state DOT crews have left the route that Slayers use fairly often to go to the "Dragon" blocked by debris from rockslides blocking their route. The Sons of Attorneys' gang leader said, "Our daddies didn't buy us $35,000 motorcycles to put us in danger. Those ditches need to be clear for when we have to lay 'er down to avoid crashing. In fact, all hazards to motorcyclists should be removed. Things like hard pavement, guardrails, rocks and trees...stuff like that. We ride to look good and our ElectraGlideSupremeAmeriCANBitchinCamaro Edition Harley looks best in the ditch."
The roadways remain clear. Non-slayers need not worry.
Slayer Lane Ends Sign:
The suit alleges that state DOT crews have left the route that Slayers use fairly often to go to the "Dragon" blocked by debris from rockslides blocking their route. The Sons of Attorneys' gang leader said, "Our daddies didn't buy us $35,000 motorcycles to put us in danger. Those ditches need to be clear for when we have to lay 'er down to avoid crashing. In fact, all hazards to motorcyclists should be removed. Things like hard pavement, guardrails, rocks and trees...stuff like that. We ride to look good and our ElectraGlideSupremeAmeriCANBitchinCamaro Edition Harley looks best in the ditch."
The roadways remain clear. Non-slayers need not worry.
Slayer Lane Ends Sign:
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Heavy rains, lack of salt blamed for coming infestation
On the heels of some of the heaviest rains to hit the area in quite some time, scientists warn of an apocalyptic infestation not seen since the plagues of Egypt.
Heavy rains brought flash flooding to the area over the weekend and, scientists warn, washed away the beneficial salt that had been applied by TNDOT and NCDOT. "The salt had been keeping the pests away. With it washed away, there's nothing keeping them away. All is lost," lamented Chief Researcher, Benjamin Long.
Labeled "slayer slugs," the pest move very, very slowly and leave a slimy trail resembling oil behind them wherever they go. This would explain their absence in the past several months as everyone knows slugs don't like salt.
Officials expect record numbers of slayer slugs in the coming months and have no viable plans to ward them off.
Image caption: Scientists warn of coming infestation of so-called "slayer slugs"
Heavy rains brought flash flooding to the area over the weekend and, scientists warn, washed away the beneficial salt that had been applied by TNDOT and NCDOT. "The salt had been keeping the pests away. With it washed away, there's nothing keeping them away. All is lost," lamented Chief Researcher, Benjamin Long.
Labeled "slayer slugs," the pest move very, very slowly and leave a slimy trail resembling oil behind them wherever they go. This would explain their absence in the past several months as everyone knows slugs don't like salt.
Officials expect record numbers of slayer slugs in the coming months and have no viable plans to ward them off.
Image caption: Scientists warn of coming infestation of so-called "slayer slugs"
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Officials concerned over Slayer disappearance, calling for scientific community to make the condition permanent
Officials in eastern Tennessee are concerned over the recent disappearance of "Dragon Slayers" in the Deals Gap area.
Tennessee Governor-elect Bill Haslam has asked well-known Monarch butterfly expert Dr. Karen Oberhauser to step in. Dr. Oberhauser is known the world over for studying the migratory habits of the Monarch butterfly, an insect unable to withstand cold climates that migrates to Mexico and Southern California every year.
"The 'Dragon Slayers' seem to behave much like the Monarchs. No one knows what tells them to come to Deals Gap in the summer and no one really knows for sure what reason they have for coming. We only know that they continue to arrive each summer and leave in the late fall with an arm full of t-shirts and stickers," Oberhauser said.
Oberhauser will "tag" around 50 'Slayers' with ankle bracelets typically used to track those on house arrest. Data gathered from the anklets will be used to study the migratory habits of the 'Slayers'.
"While capturing the 'Slayers,' we found some were already wearing the tracking anklets. We are attempting to contact the owners of those tracking anklets at this time. We are still in the stages of compiling data, but preliminary information would suggest the 'Slayers' won't stop coming as yet. We are developing ways to make this environment displeasing to ward them off but this will take quite some time."
"Dragon Slayers" are a non-native species and are considered by some to be invasive or a nuisance. Many non-native species have been brought to the area that have become nuisances; boar, Harmonia axyridis the asian lady beetle and kudzu among others. Like many of these, the introduction of "Dragon Slayers" was intended to help the area.
"A lot like the asian lady beetles, the 'Slayers' have swarmed the area and worn out their welcome," National Forest Service Deputy Chief Joel Holtrop said Friday. "The sound of their 'freedom' is about as peaceful and soothing as a punch in the throat and those that live in these infested areas have enjoyed the solace brought on by the 'Slayer' disappearance."
Dr. Oberhauser says it seems to happen around this time each year. "'Slayers' are not 'core enough to weather the cold winter days at the 'Dragon.' Native species enjoy unclogged access to the road and a general lack of residual stupidity as a result."
"We just need to find a way to make it permanent," Haslam supposes.
Photo caption: Slayers' migration in the summer of 2010. Officials/scientists seek to stop the swarm.
Tennessee Governor-elect Bill Haslam has asked well-known Monarch butterfly expert Dr. Karen Oberhauser to step in. Dr. Oberhauser is known the world over for studying the migratory habits of the Monarch butterfly, an insect unable to withstand cold climates that migrates to Mexico and Southern California every year.
"The 'Dragon Slayers' seem to behave much like the Monarchs. No one knows what tells them to come to Deals Gap in the summer and no one really knows for sure what reason they have for coming. We only know that they continue to arrive each summer and leave in the late fall with an arm full of t-shirts and stickers," Oberhauser said.
Oberhauser will "tag" around 50 'Slayers' with ankle bracelets typically used to track those on house arrest. Data gathered from the anklets will be used to study the migratory habits of the 'Slayers'.
"While capturing the 'Slayers,' we found some were already wearing the tracking anklets. We are attempting to contact the owners of those tracking anklets at this time. We are still in the stages of compiling data, but preliminary information would suggest the 'Slayers' won't stop coming as yet. We are developing ways to make this environment displeasing to ward them off but this will take quite some time."
"Dragon Slayers" are a non-native species and are considered by some to be invasive or a nuisance. Many non-native species have been brought to the area that have become nuisances; boar, Harmonia axyridis the asian lady beetle and kudzu among others. Like many of these, the introduction of "Dragon Slayers" was intended to help the area.
"A lot like the asian lady beetles, the 'Slayers' have swarmed the area and worn out their welcome," National Forest Service Deputy Chief Joel Holtrop said Friday. "The sound of their 'freedom' is about as peaceful and soothing as a punch in the throat and those that live in these infested areas have enjoyed the solace brought on by the 'Slayer' disappearance."
Dr. Oberhauser says it seems to happen around this time each year. "'Slayers' are not 'core enough to weather the cold winter days at the 'Dragon.' Native species enjoy unclogged access to the road and a general lack of residual stupidity as a result."
"We just need to find a way to make it permanent," Haslam supposes.
Photo caption: Slayers' migration in the summer of 2010. Officials/scientists seek to stop the swarm.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Tennessee to instate "Real Feel" Slaying index; beta testing underway
In light of recent "slaying" congestion at Deals Gap, TDOT has been developing a "Real Feel" index for the 318 bikes behind....er...uh....318 curves on the 11 miles of the "Dragon." The new indexing system will help competent motorists decide if they want to risk dehydration and hyperthermia riding Deals Gap behind droves of "Dragon Slayers."
"This new index is a lot like the 'heat index' meteorologists have been using for years," says TDOT engineer Larry Sellers. "Several factors go into the 'Real Feel' index. We need to know the impact that the 'Slayers' are having on the road and communicate it to the rest of the public."
Mr. Sellers says the index is based on: day of week and whether it is a weekend or holiday; time of day; outside air temperature; weather forecast; likelihood of poker runs, rallies, exposed breasts or card games; tee-shirts sales; beer sales; Beginners MSF course graduates for the current year; sales of 900+ lb motorcycles to women weighing less than 125 lbs for fiscal year; lodging/camping vacancies; number of photographers on duty; among others.
All of these factors plus real-time "slayer" monitoring will be plugged into the complicated formula and the result will then be transmitted by microwave to signs on either end of the "Dragon." TDOT hopes to expose the "slaying" issue with an information campaign.
We feel it's a start.
Photo caption: On an unusually light day, the "Slayer Real Feel Index" is exceptionally low. Officials warn public to not expect the index to remain this low.
"This new index is a lot like the 'heat index' meteorologists have been using for years," says TDOT engineer Larry Sellers. "Several factors go into the 'Real Feel' index. We need to know the impact that the 'Slayers' are having on the road and communicate it to the rest of the public."
Mr. Sellers says the index is based on: day of week and whether it is a weekend or holiday; time of day; outside air temperature; weather forecast; likelihood of poker runs, rallies, exposed breasts or card games; tee-shirts sales; beer sales; Beginners MSF course graduates for the current year; sales of 900+ lb motorcycles to women weighing less than 125 lbs for fiscal year; lodging/camping vacancies; number of photographers on duty; among others.
All of these factors plus real-time "slayer" monitoring will be plugged into the complicated formula and the result will then be transmitted by microwave to signs on either end of the "Dragon." TDOT hopes to expose the "slaying" issue with an information campaign.
We feel it's a start.
Photo caption: On an unusually light day, the "Slayer Real Feel Index" is exceptionally low. Officials warn public to not expect the index to remain this low.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Dragon Slayers uncover the basis of their religion; scholars mock mercilessly
Thou shalt not put function before form. Chrome shall be polished and very heavy.
Thou shalt not alloweth faster traffic to pass.
Thou shalt not maintain a reasonable speed when being followed by more capable riders.
Thou shalt not slay the Dragon with speed nor skill.
Thou shalt slayeth the Dragon with frustration and over-heating sportbike engines.
Thou shalt not maintain a predictable line.
Thou shalt wobble!
Thou shalt not maintain thy own lane, for it is an abomination.
Thou shalt not leave the Dragon without thy t-shirt and sticker.
Thou shalt not tap thy helmet to warn of law enforcement presence.
Thou shalt not have a working transmission for more than 5,000 miles, it is displeasing to "Dragon Slayers."
Thou shalt maketh more noise than a tribe of 16 year old maidens at a sleepover.
Thou shalt not keepeth thy pipes baffled.
Thou shalt drop your bike in the parking lot. Woe unto thee that do not droppeth their bike.
Thou shalt not bathe before slaying the Dragon. Dragon Slayers are to be unclean.
Thou shalt not leave the t-shirt shop unless thou weareth thy newly purchased Dragon Slayer t-shirt. There art photographers!
Thou shalt remember the Saturday and keep it crowded.
Thou shalt not take the name of the bike thy idol in vain. Harley-Davidson is a jealous marketing department and becometh angry when its stock tradeth low.
Thou shalt honor thy wife and dress her like a hootchie mama, no matter her age.
Thou shalt not use cash. Your dealer hath provided you with a Harley-Davidson credit card. Thou shalt useth it!
Thou shalt cover thy professional haircut with a do-rag that is pleasing to Slayers. It is to remideth a Slayer there is a photographer at every turn and thou must looketh badass.
Thou shalt remove thy do-rag when thou returneth to thy white-collar job on Monday.
Thou shalt speak loud of how hard thou slayeth the Dragon in conversation, but knoweth in thy heart thou slayeth not shite.
Thou shalt not alloweth faster traffic to pass.
Thou shalt not maintain a reasonable speed when being followed by more capable riders.
Thou shalt not slay the Dragon with speed nor skill.
Thou shalt slayeth the Dragon with frustration and over-heating sportbike engines.
Thou shalt not maintain a predictable line.
Thou shalt wobble!
Thou shalt not maintain thy own lane, for it is an abomination.
Thou shalt not leave the Dragon without thy t-shirt and sticker.
Thou shalt not tap thy helmet to warn of law enforcement presence.
Thou shalt not have a working transmission for more than 5,000 miles, it is displeasing to "Dragon Slayers."
Thou shalt maketh more noise than a tribe of 16 year old maidens at a sleepover.
Thou shalt not keepeth thy pipes baffled.
Thou shalt drop your bike in the parking lot. Woe unto thee that do not droppeth their bike.
Thou shalt not bathe before slaying the Dragon. Dragon Slayers are to be unclean.
Thou shalt not leave the t-shirt shop unless thou weareth thy newly purchased Dragon Slayer t-shirt. There art photographers!
Thou shalt remember the Saturday and keep it crowded.
Thou shalt not take the name of the bike thy idol in vain. Harley-Davidson is a jealous marketing department and becometh angry when its stock tradeth low.
Thou shalt honor thy wife and dress her like a hootchie mama, no matter her age.
Thou shalt not use cash. Your dealer hath provided you with a Harley-Davidson credit card. Thou shalt useth it!
Thou shalt cover thy professional haircut with a do-rag that is pleasing to Slayers. It is to remideth a Slayer there is a photographer at every turn and thou must looketh badass.
Thou shalt remove thy do-rag when thou returneth to thy white-collar job on Monday.
Thou shalt speak loud of how hard thou slayeth the Dragon in conversation, but knoweth in thy heart thou slayeth not shite.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Authorities investigate dangerous biker gang in NC/TN
The SBI in North Carolina are very concerned about a dangerous new outlaw biker gang operating in the mountains of western North Carolina and eastern Tennessee. As part of a summer-long investigation, they infiltrated the gang known as The Sons of Attorneys with one of their agents. The agent barely escaped with his net worth intact as once his cover was blown, the highly agitated motorcycle club has threatened to have "[their] daddy sue you into oblivion!"
Investigators said Monday in a press conference, "Stay as far away from these clowns as possible. They are the product of the aging Baby Boomer generation and they will drag you up and down the sidewalk in court. You may not live to see your 401K."
Slayer Hater spoke to one of the Sons of Attorneys' victims we found living in his van down by the Tennessee River. He had this to say, "I was riding the Dargon, minding my own business and I came up on a 25-bike wobble train traveling at around 10 MPH. I didn't know what to do. My bike started over-heating and I was getting dizzy in my helmet. I knew at that moment that I had to get around these guys. I passed them 2 or 3 at a time until I got to the front of the pack waving 'thanks' after each pass. I made it to the end and parked my bike and suddenly I found myself surrounded by them! It was horrible! They had menacing law degrees from Harvard and one even said he was a dentist! All I could think about was wage garnishments and how I might not ever see my paycheck again! Hang on a second...I'm getting too emotional." This victim was unable to go on with his account of the incident as it was still too painful (and still in litigation).
The Sons of Attorneys are operating on and around the Dargon, a great piece of motorcycling road in the mountains of the Great Smokeys. They have chapters in every town in the US and are considered to be extremely dangerous. Authorities caution against making contact with them, but if you do, they advise you consider them armed and litigious and to contact your lawyer immediately.
Investigators said Monday in a press conference, "Stay as far away from these clowns as possible. They are the product of the aging Baby Boomer generation and they will drag you up and down the sidewalk in court. You may not live to see your 401K."
Slayer Hater spoke to one of the Sons of Attorneys' victims we found living in his van down by the Tennessee River. He had this to say, "I was riding the Dargon, minding my own business and I came up on a 25-bike wobble train traveling at around 10 MPH. I didn't know what to do. My bike started over-heating and I was getting dizzy in my helmet. I knew at that moment that I had to get around these guys. I passed them 2 or 3 at a time until I got to the front of the pack waving 'thanks' after each pass. I made it to the end and parked my bike and suddenly I found myself surrounded by them! It was horrible! They had menacing law degrees from Harvard and one even said he was a dentist! All I could think about was wage garnishments and how I might not ever see my paycheck again! Hang on a second...I'm getting too emotional." This victim was unable to go on with his account of the incident as it was still too painful (and still in litigation).
The Sons of Attorneys are operating on and around the Dargon, a great piece of motorcycling road in the mountains of the Great Smokeys. They have chapters in every town in the US and are considered to be extremely dangerous. Authorities caution against making contact with them, but if you do, they advise you consider them armed and litigious and to contact your lawyer immediately.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Paralyzed Chicago man sues Harley-Davidson for being just that, Harley-Davidson; public out-cry, "what did you expect?"
Crippled and likely broke (he did buy a Harley), a former Chicago firefighter is taking on Harley-Davidson. Jim McMahon broke down twice today, but that's not why he's suing the Milwaukee motorcycle manufacturer.
McMahon lost the use of his legs and a bunch of other stuff due to the wild weaving and wobbling fit his 2004 Screamin' Eagle Electraglide Super Freedom America, Fuck YEA! Edition Harley-Davidson went into while he was riding in Arizona in March of 2004. According to his attorney Scott Hooper, McMahon "accelerated to the front of the group to alert them as to how bitchin' his new pipes were. When he did so, he surpassed the 45 MPH rated speed limit of his super-duper chick-magnet geriatric dildo and went into the dreaded Harley-Davidson wicked-wobble." Mr. Hooper went on to say that McMahon was "unconscious and without a pulse" when he purchased his Harley on New Years Eve 2003.
Harley-Davidson, represented by attorney Mark Kircher, says McMahon was at fault stating, "If everyone who weaved and wobbled on a Harley-Davidson sued us, we'd be pretty damn busy in court. McMahon wasn't holding on loosely but not letting go. Because if you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control." And lose control he did.
Scott Hooper, McMahon's attorney, plans to set up an office within the CROT to help "Dragon Slayers" sue Harley-Davidson for making motorcycles that cannot be held up by mere mortals in the parking lot.
The CROT could not be reached for comment.
McMahon lost the use of his legs and a bunch of other stuff due to the wild weaving and wobbling fit his 2004 Screamin' Eagle Electraglide Super Freedom America, Fuck YEA! Edition Harley-Davidson went into while he was riding in Arizona in March of 2004. According to his attorney Scott Hooper, McMahon "accelerated to the front of the group to alert them as to how bitchin' his new pipes were. When he did so, he surpassed the 45 MPH rated speed limit of his super-duper chick-magnet geriatric dildo and went into the dreaded Harley-Davidson wicked-wobble." Mr. Hooper went on to say that McMahon was "unconscious and without a pulse" when he purchased his Harley on New Years Eve 2003.
Harley-Davidson, represented by attorney Mark Kircher, says McMahon was at fault stating, "If everyone who weaved and wobbled on a Harley-Davidson sued us, we'd be pretty damn busy in court. McMahon wasn't holding on loosely but not letting go. Because if you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control." And lose control he did.
Scott Hooper, McMahon's attorney, plans to set up an office within the CROT to help "Dragon Slayers" sue Harley-Davidson for making motorcycles that cannot be held up by mere mortals in the parking lot.
The CROT could not be reached for comment.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Slayer Hater proudly welcomes our first real sponsor
We here at Slayer Hater HQ are proud to announce our first sponsor: Helmet Tap.
Helmet Tap can save you lots of money on your car insurance! Not only can Helmet Tap save you lots of money on your car insurance, Helmet Tap wards off lawyer fees and court costs! Yes, Helmet Tap is a great gift for your fellow "brothers" and everyone can use one! What's that you say? "If you aren't breaking the law, you don't need Helmet Tap?" Let's hear you say that when Arnold's new legislation sweeps the rest of the "land of the free." Oh wait, we won't be able to hear you say it over your life saving pipes.
Use Helmet Tap liberally when you meet another motorcycle soon after you've seen a member of the law enforcement community, but don't use Helmet Tap too far away from the affected area. Use Helmet Tap with confidence that it is the highest quality warning device available to motorcyclists today. By far the most effective early warning device available, Helmet Tap will make you the envy of the non-motorcycling public.
Try Helmet Tap today! No really. Try it.
Helmet Tap can save you lots of money on your car insurance! Not only can Helmet Tap save you lots of money on your car insurance, Helmet Tap wards off lawyer fees and court costs! Yes, Helmet Tap is a great gift for your fellow "brothers" and everyone can use one! What's that you say? "If you aren't breaking the law, you don't need Helmet Tap?" Let's hear you say that when Arnold's new legislation sweeps the rest of the "land of the free." Oh wait, we won't be able to hear you say it over your life saving pipes.
Use Helmet Tap liberally when you meet another motorcycle soon after you've seen a member of the law enforcement community, but don't use Helmet Tap too far away from the affected area. Use Helmet Tap with confidence that it is the highest quality warning device available to motorcyclists today. By far the most effective early warning device available, Helmet Tap will make you the envy of the non-motorcycling public.
Try Helmet Tap today! No really. Try it.
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